Sunday, July 15, 2012

Schubert's Sonata in A major D. 959. Rondo. Allegretto, Rock Edition

As some of you may or not have mentioned to me, it has been 11 months and 20 days since I last updated my blog. HA! The joke is on you. It's only been 11 months and 19 days, so suck it, you February haters.  Why haters gotta hate?  I guess the point is that I am updating it now. 

Anyway, as most of you are somewhat aware, I have been very busy working on something HUGE. A project so huge and of such universe-altering proportion that even I cannot fathom it, or even know what it is. But it is big. I think.

While I was working on whatever that gargantuan thing is I got into a debate with a friend of mine about who the most "metal" composer is, of all time. He argued the obvious ones; Van Halen, Metallica, Brendon Small, and of course Von Chodesworth(1). I argued that the most metal composer of all time is actually Franz Schubert, and I was right.(2)

To prove it, I took the raw notes without any of the annotated tempo, volume, or other musical direction and transliterated all of Schubert's " Sonata in A major D. 959 - Rondo Allegretto"(3) to electric guitar, added drums and keyboard, and collected my winnings from the bet; which ironically was paid in the form of a Chili's gift card, valid anywhere but the state I live in. The next time I travel, the Houston International Airport Chili's-To-Go is about to get a major influx of $50 cash.

The YouTube video:

A) The most metal part starts at 4:40.
B) There is also a variation of Dr. Sheldon L. Cooper's favorite song "Soft Kitty," (of "Big Bang Theory" fame) at 3:14.159.

The page:

Fun note from the author: The pre-compressed data for this recording is over 2 gigabytes. In 1994 I worked for a company whose biggest customer had a 2 gigabyte database that was corrupted and we had to fix it. I could not fathom how someone could possess 2 gigabytes of data. Yesterday I generated a gigabyte of data by slightly turning the distortion knob on a guitar amp to the right.(4)

(1) There is a non-zero chance that I may have fabricated the composer "Von Chodesworth" because I ran out of actual metal composer names that I could remember when writing this, and quite frankly it's a hilarious name.
(2) Some elements of this statement are known to be subjective.
(3) Everyone who had a TV in the 1990's actually just calls this "The Theme from Wings."
(4) These are 2012 numbers. In 2022 I expect to generate a gigabyte of data simply by creating a new tab in Excel. A typical Facebook(5) friend's page will contain 27 terabytes of data, but most of those will be game requests from Zynga apps.
(5) By 2022 Facebook will then be called Holobook because pictures will be obsolete and our personal holograms will huck advertising at us instead. Rest assured, a stay-at-home mom will still be angering doctors with cheap teeth whitening, or home remedies for morbid obesity. These are staples; the Internet will not abandon them. However, by then, Queen Latifa will actually be our Queen, as was foretold by prophecy.