In 2017, Verizon released the Wear24 smartwatch to an overwhelming lack of interest, and discontinued it soon thereafter. However, as an Android platform it's actually not horrible once you get through the tedious and time-consuming process of rooting it.
Wear24 root instructions: https://forum.xda-developers.com/android-wear/development/how-to-install-twrp-recovery-achieve-t3781502
Once I had it rooted and installed Termux, the next obvious step was to use "date | cowsay | lolcat" as a watch face.
1) Termux: https://termux.com/
2) cowsay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j12kFnXBlbs
3) lolcat: https://github.com/busyloop/lolcat
And it works perfectly, albeit a bit slow. (For example, lolcat requires more than a second to colorize each frame so there is a 3 second delay between screen updates.)
TL;DR, Buy a Verizon Wear24 for cheap, root it, install termux et. al., run date | cowsay | lolcat
Note: If you need to watch a video to install cowsay then you probably shouldn't try doing any of this at all. :)