Pro Tip: If O.J. Simpson empathizes with you, but still says you were wrong to do something, you screwed up horribly. This is like if O.J. said to Ali Abulaban “Hey man, I know sometimes you just want to commit a double murder. Sometimes we all do, but you need to take it in stride. The legal fees alone are a nightmare. Find the real killer!”
Brent's Ironic Blog
Truth in advertising: This is a blog, and it is ironic. I leave it as an exercise to the reader to choose an appropriate definition of irony, provided that it is fully consistent with the contents of this blog.
Saturday, April 2, 2022
Saturday, January 15, 2022
New “Super-Jupiter”, gimme a break
New “Super-Jupiter” found, according to space people...
I got some real problems with this, so buckle up. Allow me to enumerate:
What was wrong with the Jupiter we already had? Was it not good enough for Nassau?
“Super-Jupiter”??? Howzabout #NoJupiterShaming? Jeeze.
Taxpayer money. ‘Nuff said.
Biden, where’s my covid? You made a promise. Let’s go Brandon.
Remember when Pluto was a planet? It’s not even fair you guys.
Tuesday, March 9, 2021
New recipe, who dis?
So, it seems like this blog has gotten a teeny bit massively neglected, since maybe 2018 or so. I've been SO busy. Anyhoo, here's something I posted on Facebook today after only a 10 month disappearance from that platform.
Zuck’s metadata on me is getting stale, so here we go…
Cajun-blackened hard boiled eggs! Amazing in salads. I think I invented these, but there are like 7+ billion people, so the chances are probably low that I was the first. But only about 6 billion of them have Instant Pots, so maybe...
Anyway, here’s what you do:
- Hard boil some eggs. This is not rocket surgery. 7 minutes on high in an Instant Pot, quick release, 10 minutes in icy water to shock them so they are easy to peel.
- Spray the peeled eggs with olive oil
- Roll them around in Cajunesque spices of your choosing.
- Put them in a frying pan on high.
- Harass them with a spatula for a couple of minutes.
- Make a salad. (I’m not explaining that. It’s on the Internet.)
- Slice an egg or two and put them on the salad.
- I like balsamic vinaigrette, but you do you.
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
I attribute my success to very little effort, ignoring the problem, and essentially not even thinking of my social media presence for the last 5 years other than saying "Happy Birthday" to friends from high school on Facebook. Also, I'd like to thank Google's incomprehensible search algorithms as a result of which I can't explain how I lost the top spot in the first place.
Thursday, June 7, 2018
date | cowsay | lolcat Watch Face on a Verizon Wear24
In 2017, Verizon released the Wear24 smartwatch to an overwhelming lack of interest, and discontinued it soon thereafter. However, as an Android platform it's actually not horrible once you get through the tedious and time-consuming process of rooting it.
Wear24 root instructions: https://forum.xda-developers.com/android-wear/development/how-to-install-twrp-recovery-achieve-t3781502
Once I had it rooted and installed Termux, the next obvious step was to use "date | cowsay | lolcat" as a watch face.
1) Termux: https://termux.com/
2) cowsay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j12kFnXBlbs
3) lolcat: https://github.com/busyloop/lolcat
And it works perfectly, albeit a bit slow. (For example, lolcat requires more than a second to colorize each frame so there is a 3 second delay between screen updates.)
TL;DR, Buy a Verizon Wear24 for cheap, root it, install termux et. al., run date | cowsay | lolcat
Note: If you need to watch a video to install cowsay then you probably shouldn't try doing any of this at all. :)
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Ironically no longer ironic?
Friday, March 15, 2013
Over the Rainbow: Banjo Edition
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Schubert's Sonata in A major D. 959. Rondo. Allegretto, Rock Edition
Anyway, as most of you are somewhat aware, I have been very busy working on something HUGE. A project so huge and of such universe-altering proportion that even I cannot fathom it, or even know what it is. But it is big. I think.
While I was working on whatever that gargantuan thing is I got into a debate with a friend of mine about who the most "metal" composer is, of all time. He argued the obvious ones; Van Halen, Metallica, Brendon Small, and of course Von Chodesworth(1). I argued that the most metal composer of all time is actually Franz Schubert, and I was right.(2)
To prove it, I took the raw notes without any of the annotated tempo, volume, or other musical direction and transliterated all of Schubert's " Sonata in A major D. 959 - Rondo Allegretto"(3) to electric guitar, added drums and keyboard, and collected my winnings from the bet; which ironically was paid in the form of a Chili's gift card, valid anywhere but the state I live in. The next time I travel, the Houston International Airport Chili's-To-Go is about to get a major influx of $50 cash.
The YouTube video:
A) The most metal part starts at 4:40.
B) There is also a variation of Dr. Sheldon L. Cooper's favorite song "Soft Kitty," (of "Big Bang Theory" fame) at 3:14.159.
The Archive.org page: http://archive.org/details/DilbrentsSchubertsSonataInAMajorD.959.Rondo.AllegrettoRockEdition
Fun note from the author: The pre-compressed data for this recording is over 2 gigabytes. In 1994 I worked for a company whose biggest customer had a 2 gigabyte database that was corrupted and we had to fix it. I could not fathom how someone could possess 2 gigabytes of data. Yesterday I generated a gigabyte of data by slightly turning the distortion knob on a guitar amp to the right.(4)
(1) There is a non-zero chance that I may have fabricated the composer "Von Chodesworth" because I ran out of actual metal composer names that I could remember when writing this, and quite frankly it's a hilarious name.
(2) Some elements of this statement are known to be subjective.
(3) Everyone who had a TV in the 1990's actually just calls this "The Theme from Wings."
(4) These are 2012 numbers. In 2022 I expect to generate a gigabyte of data simply by creating a new tab in Excel. A typical Facebook(5) friend's page will contain 27 terabytes of data, but most of those will be game requests from Zynga apps.
(5) By 2022 Facebook will then be called Holobook because pictures will be obsolete and our personal holograms will huck advertising at us instead. Rest assured, a stay-at-home mom will still be angering doctors with cheap teeth whitening, or home remedies for morbid obesity. These are staples; the Internet will not abandon them. However, by then, Queen Latifa will actually be our Queen, as was foretold by prophecy.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2
As some of you are also possibly aware, I have not updated my blog in about a billion years.**
And here we are. We seem to have arrived at the crossroads of two quite serious*** problems, with only one obvious solution: I should create the best possible arrangement of HR2 and post it on my blog!
Turns out I can't actually play the whole thing, so I went a different route. I have listened to literally**** thousands of midi transcriptions of HR2, and figuratively***** dozens of YouTube and other recordings of HR2, and they all suck for any number of reasons including audio quality (for audio recordings) and interpretation (for midis). Except one. This one. This is my own arrangement of HR2 assembled from a broad scope of midis (two in total) from across the internet.
In order to seem pretentious I have split this recording of Au Comte Ladislas Teleky, Rhapsodie Hongroise No.2, into two sections: 1) intro/Lassan and 2) Friska.
To somewhat counteract that pretention I have also posted the complete recording as well. To completely counteract that pretention I shall mention: Donald and Daffy played it (Kleinmichel or Acme arrangement?) as a duet in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" (Albeit to a lack of critical acclaim for their interpretation, possibly due to the unfortunate and unnecessary use of a cannon, which Liszt did not originally include.) Also, Tom & Jerry had a nuanced interpretation as well.
* It is important as a culture that we not take these things too terribly seriously. Life is after all quite short.
** Hyperbole. Read about it at your local library.
*** Yet unimportant
Thursday, June 3, 2010
My Augmented Reality: Project AR2
Then, last weekend at the Lego store [flickr.com], when a crowd of enthused onlookers were enjoying the augmented reality "Digital Boxes" on the shelves, I realized that I simply could not ignore AR any more. If the mall has this technology, so too then shall I.
So I put together Project AR2 and am hosting it on my research site for all to enjoy. Pictured above, my two boys playing around with the Project AR2 UI, which (in a nutshell) projects a digital R2D2* onto a marker in video captured by your average run-of-the-mill webcam. (In this case, my bargain basement ColorMangle DistortionCam 5000.)
The Project AR2 Augmented Reality Marker:
(Note: This is not narcissistic, just amazingly good branding.)
PDF | DOCX | PNG
If you want to try it you will need to print out the marker and (for best results) stick it to a piece of cardboard. (It works best if the marker is flat.) Then mosey over to the Project AR2 Webpage and let it access your webcam when it asks for permission. Lighting makes all the difference. Webcams generally don't have the best image quality, so your mileage may vary.
Oh, and speaking of old technology that I have been ignoring; here is the QR code and the Microsoft Tag for this blog post:
* Until George Lucas sues me.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Meat Buster: A Mashup of Perfect Storm Proportion
For some time now I have searched the Internet for what I consider to be the "perfect storm" of mashups: a combination of 1) Google, 2) Facebook, 3) Bubble Breaker and, of course, 4) Meat. It would appear that this particular breed of mashup is indeed a niche market, for I have been unsuccessful in my quest thus far. Truly, the dearth of availability has been disheartening to say the least.
Until now! I have implemented and present to you now the only known mashup* of Google, Facebook, Bubble Breaker and Meat: Meat Buster: The Embedded Public Wave Gadget Of The Game
What you are looking at is a beef-themed version of Bubble Breaker, running as a Google Wave gadget inside an embedded public Wave, with separate Facebook "like" buttons on the gadget and the container page. And quite frankly, what's not to "like?" <---Clever.
The Embedded Google Wave of the game**:
The Wave Gadget URL:
The stand-alone version of the game:
* I actually didn't look very hard. If Google and Bing can't find one, what chance do I have?
** Unfortunately embedded waves do not work properly on IE yet. Please try Chrome or Firefox if you are currently running IE, or use the stand-alone version, or don't bother; it's just Bubble Breaker with beef.
Monday, April 19, 2010
My War on Literacy Continues
Thank Jebus for Democracy. Without the concept of democracy, any number of randomly authoritative d@@chebags* could have poo-pooed my submission and sh^tbagged it****, like the d@@chebags* they are.
Anyhooz, I think you get the point.
* I don't allow profanity on my blog, so I replace them with funny characters like "@."**
** Except for "choad" and/or "chode" (alternate spellings)***
*** Which I do not think are profane, since I've heard and seen both on primetime TV; the last bastion of decency in the US.
**** I don't actually know if "^" is a good alternate for "I" but here we are. You know what it's good for? Laughy eyes like this: ^.^ *****
***** I should submit "laughy eyes" to Urban Dictionary. Problem: people have to know how to spell "laugh" to find it. Ugh. Stupid language.
Friday, April 16, 2010
"Disreproachable" is a word
It's very much like "irreproachable" and its root word "reproach" but in no way similar, other than the obvious similarities.
"Her grooming was beyond reproach; it was _irreproachable_."
"His groomering was _dispreproachable_; although without question I burned the couch cushion he sat on when he left."
"You know how 'irreproachable' is a word? That's awesome, but I don't think 'disreproachable' is cool like that. Only a choad would say that."
"You know what word I like? 'Disreproachable.' That's an awesome word. I don't think a chode would use that word."
So, they are not completely interchangeable, but you definitely get the picture. Also, New Moon sucked. Where I come from the vampires actually suck blood. Come on.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
My First Annual Bi-Weekly Tweet Roundup*
The tweet of the link to this blog post:
Self-recursive tweet of the announcement of my URL shortening service:
Tweet regarding my "favoriting" of the tweet about my blog update:
Tweet announcing my blog update:
* Some of you may have noticed a dichotomy regarding the words "annual" and "bi-weekly," possibly due to the fact that they mean incompatible things, like "up" and "down," or "solid parenting" and "Britney Spears."
Before you question whether I proofread my posts prior to posting (hint: I do not) I should explain that I expect to completely forget to do this again for at least a year. Which, let's be honest, is likely how long it will take for me to accumulate enough tweets of the amazing caliber demonstrated above to merit another tweet roundup.
On an unrelated note, look for a very exciting Google Buzz roundup in the near future. Rumor has it that it may reference some of the Tweets from this post.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
URL Shortening and your personal security and you
I won't bore you with the tedious details. I'll let the wikipedia article do that.
What's unusual is that despite the general public's universally near-instantaneous adherence to the advice of the security community, URL shorteners are actually gaining in popularity.
To thwart this growing threat I have written my own URL shortener that not only supports a tiny subset of the functionality of the "big name" shortening services, but still provides basically the same fundamental security flaws.
The difference is that, since I wrote it myself, if it suffers from link rot or torrential virus distribution, or is simply not even responding to basic requests, you can rest assured that these issues are safely being managed by me, rather than some faceless conglomerate that cares more about the bottom line than providing a sub-par service.
My tweet announcing my new URL shortener:
A link-back to this blog post:
Notice in my previous example that the shortened URL can be as long as you like. Try getting that from bit.ly. I suspect that they will just laugh at you if you ask.
Anyway, to take advantage of this quantum leap forward in URL shortening, simply send me the URL you wish to shorten and the URL extension you would like, and I will let you know when it's up. Please allow 3-5 days for a response.
Monday, February 15, 2010
I have tweeted about updating my blog!
Here's the tweet:
And the meta-tweet (please forgive my vanity):
Some of you may be thinking, "hey, it kinda seems like Brent's blog is mostly about Brent writing stuff in his blog, and any actual substance feels, well, somewhat stark or even nonexistent."
My reply: I love your in-your-face honesty, and the way you use colloquialisms like "kinda" and, quite frankly, your overuse of commas in quotations. I've heard your feedback, and I've internalized it. Look for more of this quality post in the future.
I have updated my blog!
First of all, the splash page has changed completely:
Second, I made this announcement (that you are reading right now) regarding the fact that the splash page has changed.
In other news, for those of you following my attempt to own the word "irony" the news is quite good. As of this date a Google search for my name (Brent) and the word "ironic" (ironic) now returns the top link to this blog.
The original story is here:
The Google search is here:
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Space Invaders - The Google Wave Gadget
So, because I don’t waste nearly enough time doing unprofitable-but-obsessive nerd stuff, and (thankfully) because my Mafia Wars OCD has finally run its course, I have written a Google Wave Gadget.
Not just any gadget, mind you, but in fact a Space Invaders Gadget (patent pending) that you can drop directly into any Google Wave, share with your many Wave friends, and compete for high scores.
That’s correct. I have somehow managed to tap the incredibly lucrative market that is the intersection of the billions of Google Wave users and those who can’t get enough mini Space Invaders implementations embedded (for some reason) in a communications medium.
You can get the installer or the gadget here:
Thursday, March 26, 2009
My Ironically Circular Irony
Archive of the Google search:
Perma-link to the archive of the Google search:
“So where’s the irony?” you may be asking. Well,
1) I work at iterasi, and I manage the iterasi.net website. We developed the technology that allows the archive to get a higher ranking than my original blog.
2) We periodically get take-down requests (which we always honor) from people who are displeased that our content is ranked higher than theirs (which I am), despite being a dated archive with attribution back to them.
I wondered how circular the references would get before Google would reprioritize my blog above the archive of my blog. So, I embedded two links to iterasi archives of the Google search and a link to the original Google search into this blog entry; like pointing a couple of mirrors at each other, creating an infinite recursion of references. Let's watch.
Extra references just for fun:
My personal website, that redirects to this blog:
An archive of this blog entry:
PDF file of the post in case something falls apart somewhere:
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
My First 3D Self-Portrait
Friday, January 16, 2009
Proofreading and sanity checks are overrated
Today my home network is completely offline; a problem Verizon acknowledges is on their side, and promise to repair by 6pm tonight. While awaiting the completion of the repairs I received an amusing email at work that I think sums up Verizon’s ability to identify with their customers, the first half of which is pictured here.
To sum up: The next time I can’t connect to the internet I should consult their website, which conveniently has a web page that will help me diagnose my problem, which I can’t access while not being on the internet.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
East v. West. Two XKCDs in a row; I know. I'm lazy.
Perma link: http://sqrl.it/?petvc
Why? "The East" and "The West" were named before anyone knew of the various continents in the actual Western hemisphere. Thanks Europe. That's just great.
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Observable Universe, From Top to Bottom
Saturday, August 16, 2008
For some reason I have a Facebook profile
What ev. Here are various ways to get to it:
As long as I am selling out to the social grapharati, here is my LinkedIn public profile:
And my pathetically unpopulated MySpace page:
Monday, August 11, 2008
FATS Chorus, plus wtf happened to Haim and Feldman? Remember them?
Anyway, that’s obviously not true. (Haim and Feldman come every year.) However, I did actually write a single piece of music arranged for chorus several years ago which I recently rediscovered on an old backup DVD, and is actually (in my massively un-humble opinion or “IMMUO”) quite listenable.
Here’s the catch: I’m not saying what the lyrics are, but if you understand them you will know that they are NSFW, or NS4W (or “Not Safe for Work” for those far less hip than I), but only if you work at the prudest prude shop on prude alley during prudefest, and are feeling a little prude when you play it.
It’s called “The FATS Chorus” and the first person to tell me why I named it that gets an expired coupon for $5 off an appetizer at participating Chili’s restaurants. (Offer not valid in Alaska and Hawaii, and for some reason Idaho.)
Friday, August 1, 2008
Deus ex Machina: A Human Excised
Some interesting notes about this piece (hehe, get it?): I didn’t play a single note of it. At the time I originally made this I was trying to create a song using nothing but my midi sequencer and various utilities designed for improvisation, accompaniment and basically just being lazy about the simple parts. The title is a reference to the fact that it is mostly computer generated, although I did have to put considerable time into post-processing, and I created the chord progression because it turns out that machines suck at that.
As a bonus I have also included the sheet music as a PDF file. If you have any interest in actually performing this with a friend, let me know and I will split the score into two separate pieces of sheet music; one for each piano. (Note to self: figure out how to do that.)
The audio file from Archive.org:
The sheet music:
Monday, July 7, 2008
Life imitating art, or vice-versa?
What is truly hilarious about this, however, is that someone reproduced the joke in the actual “wood” article, essentially verbatim. Of course it was marked as vandalism and posts were temporarily disabled, but it lead to a highly ironic and amusing discussion in the Talk:Wood section about what exactly the point of the joke was supposed to be.
XKCD Comic: http://xkcd.com/446/
Wood article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wood
Talk:Wood: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Wood (you have to scroll down)
Thursday, April 10, 2008
This just makes me laugh
Thursday, February 28, 2008
This is not what I want
Friday, February 22, 2008
Now I am just pandering
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Ironic self-referential post #1
So let's go with pseudo-self-referential instead.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
xkcd: Alice is the real problem
Friday, February 8, 2008
By now you have almost certainly heard the old axiom that (paraphrasing in improperly used quotes) “if you want to hide a needle you don’t hide it in a haystack, you hide it in a box of needles.”
That’s what the entire blog-o-sphere is. A gigantic box of needles; and the needle I need to find is trapped, buried in the box somewhere, completely overshadowed by the other needles. Every time I search for something I find about 500 blog posts about it, and swirling in the sucking eddy of crap through which I must dive is the one gem of information that solves my problem.
Newsflash to 99.9% of the bloggers in the world: No one cares what you think. Do you care what I think? No. You do not. Neither do I care what you think. And yet here we are writing a bunch of stuff, plugging the tubes of the Internets, sadly assuming that someone wants to read what we have to say.
But here I sit, responding to the siren call of just one more fad.
This blog will rarely be updated, and when it is it will almost certainly be some semi-coherent rant about something fad-like or stupid that I want to get off my chest. You can safely ignore it, and if you do not please note that you were warned.